I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
