Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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