I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
