I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
