Can i not drive my cunt home
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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