Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
