He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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