My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
