u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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