careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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