My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
