So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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