yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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