Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
