planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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