my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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