Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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