What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
