mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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