I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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