boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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