Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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