I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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