WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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