Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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