remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
