Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
