I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
