and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
