Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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