haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
