dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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