So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
