Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
