dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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