fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
