my vag is so smooth its legendary
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
