i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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