Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
