I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
