Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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