If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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