I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
