No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
