is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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