dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
