The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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