I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
