She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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