I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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