hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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