i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
