capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
