guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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