Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
