nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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