Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He did a backflip because drugs
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
