You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
