Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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