my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
