so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
