yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
