Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
