i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
