yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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