don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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