I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
