Already got asked if we're dating
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
