Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
