ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
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He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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