i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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