My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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