Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
