we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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