Do you still have your period?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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