So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
