Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
